Thursday, September 13, 2007

Vegas New Year's Resolutions ?

Well, it is Jewish New Year today, so I can make some resolutions, right? Oy, Vegas! Yom Tov, everybody! (Yeah, I know, it's a stretch!)

If one thinks of luck as a lady, I think Ms. Vegas can be a @itchin@ whore or the sweetest angel of my dreams. So I will express my resolutions in an open letter to her, the girl of my dreams or a nightmare of schemes, Ms. Vegas. (PS - thanks, Mr. Masters):

Dear Ms. Vegas,

I love you. I am hoping we can get together and go out more often. But I must set some guidelines, if we are going to continue our special relationship:

  • I will not buy your bottle service because I do not drink. Even if I did drink, I would not drink for $500. One Miller light for one dollar is my limit.

  • I will not join your player's clubs because I like to gamble in private. Ms. Vegas, you don't have to know where I spend every last cent, it's none of your damn business. The only thing I ever get in return is an offer of "Dutch Treat" at some buffet.

  • I will not stay at your overpriced hotels because I live here.

  • I will not spend full price on your shows, because often I get to see them at a greatly reduced price and sometimes for free.

  • I will continue to pay top dollar to see concerts of musical performers I like. As I get older, the number of concerts I would like to see is dwindling down to just a few, sadly.

  • As a local, I will continue to hunt for places that tourists don't know about yet, until the tourists claim it for their own and declare "There are too many locals here." !

  • I will continue to complain about the traffic. I know that the buses and especially the monorail will never save me from impending gridlock.

  • I will continue to listen to STAR 102.7 FM to get free movie tickets.

  • I hope you don't mind, Ms. Vegas, when I get tired of you, that I leave you occasionally to visit Ms. Socal and Ms. Sedona and Ms. Northwest. But I always know that you will be here for me when I return; and you will never be upset about my wanderings. Because, you know I am under your spell I and will always return to you.

  • I will continue to vote for any tax that is targeted to visitors such as airport, hotel, and taxi fees.

  • I will not be buying a 1,000 square foot high rise condo for one million dollars. Unless, of course, you let me win the Megabucks!

  • I will not complain about the summer heat anymore. After all it is a "dry heat". I will bless you for not having earthquakes (so far, thank God), hurricanes, tornadoes, floods (except the "flashing" kind), tsunamis, snow storms, and forest fires.

  • But most of all, I will continue to love you, Ms. Vegas, because no matter what time it is, day or night, you are always there for me.

Happy New Year and you owe me big time!

Yours truly,

- MercurialMike


Anonymous said...

Yom Tov, my sweet Bubula! You are what keeps me Jung. What a great new year this will be - I promise.

Post a Comment